Take Me Back Again
by tuuliii
Summary: Because sometimes you have to go back to the place where it all started from, untill you realise that no path leads back to the past. Season 5 AU.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hey! I'm back with a new story and I'm very exited to write. This one started as an 4 am thought and suddenly it was just all in my head, readu to be written down! Gosh I love the feeling... Anyway, I have no idea how this story is gong to end, but trust me, it won't be a happy fic, so consider yourself warned. A huge thanks to those few people who have been encouraging me to write;)**

 **I do not own any of the characters, I'm just borrowing them for a while.**

* * *

 _ **I need a fix, bitter and sick, bitter and sicker than love, love, love.**_

 _ **~One Two, Bitter and Sick**_

* * *

Lady Mary Crawley walked down the village one morning. The weather was rather sunny and warm. It was a nice change, for it had been raining for the past week.

But something made her stop in front of the Crawley House.

The house itself was unchanged. The garden was as beautiful as ever, but the atmosphere was somewhat different.

That made her walk to the front door. The door was locked and no one came to answer her as she knocked. It was not like Isobel to not answer the door.

Maybe she was in the back garden. Mary knew that she had a habit of letting her staff have a day off when she felt like being alone. The past few weeks had not been exactly plsant for her.

Lord Mertons son's had spoken terribly to her. She had been so happy when their engagement had been announced but his son's words had made her doubt.

Mary's eyes scanned the garden, but no one was in there. She looked through the window, but the house looked lonely and empty. Only a half empty tea cup caught her eye and made her worried.

Suddenly she remembered that there was a spare key, hidden in the branch of an apple tree. Mary found the key and hurried to the front door.

The door opened and she stepped in. The house was in absolute silence and that made her feel very uncomfortable.

"Isobel! Are you in here?!" Mary tried to call her mother in law, but no answer came. She walked through the hall into the drawing room.

Isobel's tea cup was on the side table with a news paper from the day before. The cup was cold. It had probably been there since last evening.

Mary felt the worry rise inside her. Everything seemed normal, except it wasn't. Her feet took her up the stairs.

Isobel's bedroom door was not fully closed. As Mary opened the door she saw an untouched bed, few books on the night stand, and the photographs that where standing on her vanity.

There was the wedding picture of her and Matthew, a picture of George and another wedding picture. Mary took the photograph into her hands. It was old. It showed a young, beautiful woman who could not have been older than 25 and beside her was a man with a blonde hair who's eyes where sparking.

It had to be Isobel's wedding picture. Mary had never seen the picture of her late husband before, but he reminded her a lot of Matthew.

He had definitely had his father's eyes.

As she put the picture back to the table she saw an unsealed envelope. It was adressed to no one, but as Mary took it in her hands and started reading its contest she understood it had been meant to be read by the first person who would find it.

The letter sent shivers through Mary's spine and after finishing it a tear was rolling down her cheek.

Cause now she knew what was so wrong in the house.

The person who was living in the charming, beautiful house had left.

* * *

 **The night before:**

Isobel Crawley laid down the cold gone tea and stared blankly out of the window. She had given her cook and maid the next few days off. She needed to be alone.

Suddenly she had started questioning everything in her life. Her middle class back ground had followed her everywhere and now, it had finally ruined her chances of being happy with the man she was falling in love with.

Isobel rubbed her tired, aching eyes and sighed. She hadn't slept much on the night before. Thinking had kept her awake, but at least she had decided what to do next.

The day before she had received a letter from Lord Merton. He had apologized his son's behavior at the dinner and hoped to see her as soon as she would be ready to talk about their future again. To be honest Isobel wasn't sure about their future together anymore. The dinner had again showed that she was not part of them. And she would definitely not be good enough to become the new Lady Merton.

She needed to clear her thoughts. She needed to be sure about what she wanted. And Downton was not the right place to do that.

Isobel felt quite terrible in fact. She was leaving without giving anyone a proper explanation. She had even promised to have tea with the Dowager countess the next day. But the again, she would not be worried. Isobel knew that.

But Lord Merton. What would he do after learning that she had gone away? He was a romantic fool and would probably blame himself.

It may not be the easiest way, but she needed to get away from Downton. Away from these people.

As she was alone in the house, Isobel had been able to prepare everything. She had packed her things onto two suitcases. The letter was on her vanity and she had no idea who was going to find it.

The clock on the wall was striking eight o'clock. Last train to London would leave at nine. She had an hour left

These past 11 years Crawley House had become a new home to her. At first the house had felt cold and empty, but with time the house had started to feel like her home again

Her garden was the place where she had been able to escape the surrounding world when it felt like it.

But that was not enough anymore.

Isobel got up from the settee and went up to her room. The suitcases was on the bed. Waiting to be moved.

She looked at the white envelope for one last time. She had written the letter a few hours before. The only thing she hoped for was, that no one would come after her.

Isobel took the suitcase and made her way down the stairs, where she put on her coat and hat.

As she opened the door, she looked behind her one more time and smiled a sadly. If there only was another way.

She was one of the three people standing on the platform. She felt nervous and shaky. When she saw the train coming, the realization of what she was doing finally hit her.

She was leaving Downton.

Isobel Crawley got into the train that night and left Downton. She was travelling in second class, because that's what she was. A middle class woman surrounded by aristocrats. That was the place she didn't belong to. She would miss George terribly, that was for sure, but it was a sacrifice she had to make.

* * *

 _ **Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said: Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.**_

 _ **~Adele, Someone Like You**_

 **tbc**

* * *

 **AN: A review or two would make my day, so please give me some feedback.**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: I'm back with chapter two! I was truly amazed about all the reviews I got! You guys are amazing! A BIG thanks goes to my beta who got rid of all the mistakes. So all the possible mistakes are mine.**

 **I do not own any of the characters!**

* * *

 _ **Throw your soul through every open door. Count your blessings to find what you look for.** **Turn my sorrow into treasured gold. You'll pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow**_

 _ **~Adele, Rollin in the Deep.**_

* * *

Mary had gone straight from the Crawley house to see her grandmother. With Isobel's letter on her hand, she went into the drawing room where the Dowager Countess of Grantham was reading her newspaper.

"Lady Mary Crawley, Your Ladyship", Spratt announced and Violet turned her head towards her granddaughter.

"Mary, dear, what are you doing in here so early?" she asked.

Mary waited until Spratt had left the room until she started talking. "It's Isobel...she's gone,"

Violet grew a confused expression on her face. "What do you mean gone? Gone where?"

"How should I know? I went to the Crawley House and found this", Mary showed the Dowager the envelope. "In this letter she say's that 'she needs to re-think her life' and that 'Downton is not the right place to do it'. Read it yourself."

Violet took the letter from Mary and started to read it. After finishing the letter she laid it down onto her table and looked at Mary.

"She agreed to have tea with me this afternoon...", The Dowager started. "Where could she have possibly went to? And why?" Violet said angrily

"It's because of Lord Merton. The man scared her off and now she's missing", Mary replied and stood up.

"Go back to Downton and tell Cora that I am coming to dinner tonight. Together we can figure out what to do with this matter." After Mary had gone, Violet was left by herself.

Had she really lost her friend and companion? Yes, she had disliked Isobel at the beginning, but her opinion had changed over the years. Now they were able to enjoy each others company and talk like true friends. And Violet was already missing that.

She needed Isobel to be found. Because without her, the Dowager countess of Grantham would become rather lonely.

* * *

After spending her night in London, Isobel took the morning train to Manchester.

It had been a very long time since she'd last been there. After Matthew's death Isobel had seriously considered moving back to Manchester, but she had never done it.

Her home in Manchester was empty and quiet. The only person who came to the house was a maid once a week to check up on everything

While walking through the streets of Manchester, Isobel was hit with a wave of nostalgia, a happy wave of nostalgia.

Manchester was the place she called home for 50 years and nothing had changed.

Suddenly her old home was right in front of her. Isobel recalled the walk from the train station to her home to take much longer.

She opened the door with her key, stepped in and put her suitcases down. Isobel took few steps forward and took a better look at her surroundings. The curtains were closed and the furniture looked like ghosts as they were covered with white sheets.

All of the old memories filled her mind and Isobel was almost able to hear the sounds from the past. This house had seen the joy and sorrow that Isobel Crawley had gone through in her past life.

* * *

When the Dowager Countess called Dickie Merton, the last thing he had expected to hear was that Isobel Crawley had gone missing. Of course Lady Grantham had twisted the story a little.

She hadn't exactly gone "missing". Isobel had just left.

The news, however, still pained him. It was clearly his fault. The woman he loved had gone away. Dickie felt extremely sad as he thought about her.

He wished she could've been honest and told him that she wasn't happy. That she wanted their relationship to end. By leaving, Isobel showed that she wanted a different kind of future. A future that did not involve him. Maybe she was in love with another man.

That was a thought he couldn't bare.

The memory of her bright smile and sparkling eyes on the day she had accepted his proposal came back to him. He would do anything to get her back.

He wanted to do anything to get her back. She was his last chance of happiness and he was not going to let her slip away.

But where had she gone? London? Manchester? Or perhaps even France like she had during the war. Isobel was impossible for she left no clues.

But, he was determined to find her. And this time, nothing would come between him and the woman he loved with all of his heart.

* * *

 _ **I'm out of touch, I'm out of love I'll pick you up when you're getting down.**_

 _ **And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now**_

 _ **~Ed Sheeran, Lego House**_

 **tbc**

* * *

 **AN: So this was chapter two! Review to give me feedback!**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN:I promised myself to update this story before school starts so here I am! With the third chapter! Thank you so much for reading this story:)**

 **Big thanks to my beta! You're the best!**

* * *

 _ **And last night you were in my room,** **and now my bedsheets smell like you.** **Everyday discovering something brand new,** **I'm in love with your body.**_

 _ **~Ed Sheeran, Shape of You**_

* * *

 **Downton Abbey, evening:**

On her way back to the Abbey, Mary met with Tom and told him about Isobel's disappearance.

Tom went straight to the train station and asked if he had seen Isobel. The stationmaster had recalled Mrs. Crawley and that she had bought a ticket to the late train to London. That was the only clue they had about her.

The news came as a surprise to everyone. The whole family had grown quite found of Isobel. Of course they were all worried, everyone in their own way but she was a grown woman and was perfectly capable of taking care of herself.

The letter hadn't given away anything too worrying, only that she had gone away from Downton for a little while, so it would be pointless to start looking for her without any clues.

But this decision didn't satisfy Mary, or the Dowager countess. They wanted Isobel to come back. If not for their sake, then for George. And for Dickie.

Violet had telephoned Lord Merton after Mary had left. He sounded so upset that she wanted to scold Isobel for doing such a cruel thing to the poor man.

Once upon a time Violet had wished that nothing would come out off his courting, but now she couldn't deny the fact anymore, that Isobel and Dickie were well suited.

Before Violet left, she told Mary in private, "Tea. Tomorrow. We can make proper plans."

Mary nodded and silently agreed her grand mothers order.

* * *

 **Cavenham Park, night:**

She was so beautiful. Her golden hair was hanging loose and his hands were feeling her body up and down. The kisses she placed on his neck sent a tingling sensation through his body.

"I love you...and I want to be with you", Isobel whispered to his ear in the dimly lit place. They were standing in his bedroom at Cavenham Park and the room was lightened only with a few candles and the fire in the fireplace.

The smell of lavender filled his nose when she pressed her head against his chest. Her soft hands started to unbutton his shirt and at that moment his heart was beating harder than it had ever before.

He kissed her again and again. Their kisses grew more heated with every second. The last button of his shirt became undone and soon it was on the floor. Isobel's hands were now on his bare chest and her fingers left a burning sensation to his skin.

Through their kisses, he was able to start working on her dress. Dickie pressed her body against his and kissed her once more. "You're going to be the death of me...", he said. He had never felt anything like this before. And that's why his feelings where about to get overwhelming..

Isobel continued to kiss his neck. Just as he was about to get her dress open the window in the bedroom opened. All the light were suddenly gone and the hot room turned cold.

Isobel let go of Dickie and when he turned his gaze back to her from the window she was gone, too.

That was the moment Lord Merton woke up from his dream and sat up. The fire had died in the fireplace and it was raining heavily. He was hot and heart was beating hard. Just for a while he was able to smell her scent in the room.

Dickie watched the clock on his bedside table. It was half past three in the morning. He layed back down and listened to the rain drops that hit the dream had felt so real...oh, how he hoped it to be real but she was gone.

* * *

 **Manchester, two days later:**

Isobel had decided to take a walk in the afternoon. The weather was quite nice and she was eager to see more Manchester. It had been rainy for the past few days but now the sun was finally peaking through the clouds.

After walking around the town her legs took her into a cemetery.

It had been a long time since Isobel had last visited her husbands grave. In the first few years after his death visiting the grave had just made her feel sad and lonely, but with time everything had gotten easier.

Now she found herself smiling at the memories they had made together. She would give anything, _anything_ to get Reginald back. Her time with him had been the best in her life and he had been taken away from her too soon.

"I'm thinking about marrying again, you know...I would become Lady Merton. The thing is...I'm not sure if I would be up to that."

Isobel quietly spoke to the grave stone. "His name is Richard. Except no one actually calls him that. He's Dickie to all his friends and Lord Merton to everyone else. His kind and caring and romantic... He can also be quite funny if he likes to. But he was married to a woman who didn't care about him at all, only his money."

"He was unhappy for such a long time it makes my heart ache. I want him to be happy...and I beleave we could be very happy together. I don't live him...not yet anyway."

"But he also has two sons. And they hate me. Because of them I started to doubt."

"I had already accepted his proposal. We had announced our engagement. Then, when I met his sons they made it quite clear that I wasn't welcome to the family and that I wasn't good enough to be the new Lady Merton."

"If I married him, they would try to separate us or even worse stop talking to their father. I know that Dickie isn't too fond of them but they are still his sons."

"Or maybe it's true what they say and I really am not good enough. I know nothing about being the mistress of a big house. I would be completely lost and probably make a fool out of myself. And how can I make a decision when I'm not sure about my feelings?" she continued.

"This marriage could be my last adventure."

"Oh, if only you could come back to me. I miss you so much my darling."

Two hours passed by but it felt like a blink of an eye. She had to get back for tea.

She pressed a kiss on her had, and put it over the cold grey stone.

"You'd know what I should do. You always knew how to solve a problem."

"Should I marry Dickie and just try to deal with the consequences or just brake off our engagement?"

* * *

After returning from her walk Isobel made some tea and went into the drawing room witch had shelves filled with all types of books.

With a tea cup on her hand Isobel stood in front of the shelf and examined the books with her eyes. Most of them were related to medicine but there were few pieces of fiction as well.

Some of the books they had, had been taken to Crawley House, but most of the books were still on these shelfs.

The maid had taken care of the dust that would have covered them. She now came in every day. As well as the temporary cook she had hired.

Isobel had stayed in the house for a few days. The place started to feel like home again. It was so full of memories. Every time she looked at the hall, the laugh of a small blond haired boy who ran down the stairs echoed to her ears.

Matthew had had a bad habit of sneaking away to the kitchen to get sweets from the cook who had adored the boy.

His liking of everything sweet had started early.

Sometimes he would be hiding in the kitchen, usually after he had done something naughty and didn't want to be scolded by his father.

Isobel smiled fondly at the memory of little Matthew. But her thoughts were soon disturbed as she heard a knock on the door.

* * *

 _ **It comes back to you, it comes back to you**_  
 _ **All the things that you had lost will find their way to you**_

 _ **~Imagine Dragons, It Comes Back To You**_

 **tbc**

* * *

 **AN:I hope you liked this chapter! Reviews make my day so don't forget to do that!**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Hello, again!I'm very happy to have received a lot of feedback! Love you! But if you have an account in here I'd love it if you could review with it. I'd like to answer. I'm posting ina bit of a hurry, so I'm sorry about all the possible mistakes. A big thanks to m beta!**

* * *

 _ **Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes.** **But it's the only thing that I know.** **When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes,** **It is the only thing that makes us feel alive**_

 _ **~Ed Sheeran, Photograph**_

* * *

 **Manchester:**

Isobel walked towards her front door. Who on earth could be on the other side? Could it be someone from Downton? Had someone come after her?

She waited for a second, hesitating, before opening the door. A wave of relief washed over her, as she saw who was standing in front of her.

"My, my. Isobel Crawley. I'm not sure I believe my eyes. You've come back!" The elder woman greeted her.

A laugh escaped Isobel's mouth as she stepped away from the door. "Elizabeth Stuart. How long has it been? 4 years?", she asked as her old friend stepped in.

"Almost", she answered and took off her coat. The maid had come up from the kitchen after hearing where she had been and took the coat from Elizabeth's hand.

"This house hasn't changed at all...but we certainly have..."

Both women smiled and embraced each other.

"Elizabeth...how did you know I came here? I haven't told anyone", Isobel asked, still in disbelief that her friend was standing her, in front of her.

They had met through Reginald. Elizabeth's husband was also a doctor and they had once been best friends.

"Edward saw you today, walking around, but he wasn't quite sure it was you. But Isobel. What on earth are you doing in here? You should have written to us! Are you just checking up on things or...did you come back for good?"

Isobel led them into the library where her half empty teacup was waiting. There was no way she could lie to Elizabeth. That woman knew instantly if someone was trying to lie. "I'm very sorry to disappoint you, dear, but I'm afraid I didn't come back for good", she started, but then turned to the maid.

"Could we have some more tea, please?" Isobel addressed her. "Of course, ma'am", the girl answered and disappeared back into the kitchen.

"The thing is that...I just needed to get away from Downton for a while..."

"Did something happen? Has the family abandoned you?", Elizabeth asked. They had exchanged many letters over the years and she had gotten the picture that her new family had taken very good care of her after Matthew had died.

"No. Nothing like that. They've all been wonderful...", Isobel started and sat down onto a settee. Elizabeth followed her, so that they were now facing each other.

Isobel stayed quiet for a while but then decided to brake the news about her engagement to her friend. She hadn't told her anything about Dickie in her letters, but it would come out sooner or later.

"I was about to get married but I'm afraid I got cold feet about it and came here to sort out my thoughts".

Elizabeth was staring at her with wide eyes. That was the last thing she had expected to hear. After Reggie had died Isobel had sworn that she would never even consider about marrying again. But it was about time that she had found happiness again.

"And who is this lucky man you've ran away from? " she inquired after a while.

"His name is Richard Grey...or Lord Merton. He is Mary Crawley's God father..."

Elizabeth raised her right eyebrow. "Please, tell me more..."

Soon Isobel had told Elizabeth everything, starting from the very first time she had met him to the point when she had decided to leave Downton, while they were both drinking fresh tea. Elizabeth was a good listener and that was exactly what she needed. Someone who would listen her worries without trying to interrupt or judge.

When Isobel was done with her confession she felt so much more better.

"Oh my...your life has certainly changed. Look at you! You're still practically engaged to a Lord, but what did the family say about your leaving?" Elizabeth asked.

"I wouldn't know. I didn't say anything to anyone. I only left a letter", Isobel answered.

"Oh, Isobel. They must be worried. You shouldn't have done it this way. Why didn't you tell anyone?" She inquired further.

To be honest Isobel had started to feel a bit guilty for leaving without telling anyone. What if she had, after all, caused unnecessary worry over herself. "I didn't want anyone to follow me or try and change my mind. You know me Elizabeth...this is how I am...", she replied.

"But enough of me and my life. What about you? What are you up to these days? And what about Edward? Still working at the hospital?" She asked and decided to change the subject.

"Well you know Edward. He'll be working in there until the last breath leaves his Body", Elizabeth said and set down her empty teacup. "Guess what. You should have dinner with us tonight. Edward would be over the moon, for he hasn't seen you in ages! Will you come?"

"Yes. I'd be delighted."

* * *

 **The Dower House, the day before:**

Lady Mary and the Dowager countess were drinking tea the next day, and thinking about how they were going to find their cousin.

"She could be in London...", Mary proposed, but Violet shook her head. "I don't think so. She isn't too fond of London and where would she be staying?" Violet asked.

"No. She's not in London. Isobel in some place she's familiar with", she added.

Both women sipped their tea. "What if she's in Manchester? I believe she still owns the house. It would be quite natural for her to go there. It is her old home after all", Mary said.

"Yes...I suppose you might be right. She would be totally out of place in London, but she knows Manchester. She might even have some old friends in there."

"But I don't think any of us have the address."

Mary started thinking and put down her cup. "Murray might have the address. He's the one who found them, after all. You should give him a call. And then...someone should go there. Isobel won't answer any letters, that's sure," Mary pointed out.

The Dowager looked thoughtful whilst holding the teacup in her hand. "That could be the solution, but I think it would be better to wait for a while. Maybe Isobel will come back in few weeks. In a month perhaps. But if she doesn't, then maybe you should be the one to go to Manchester... Now, take some cake, dear."

Mary took one peace and sipped her tea again. "Actually...I may have an idea."

Violet raised her eyebrow. "You don't usually sound that mysterious. Please, tell me, too", she said and took a peace of cake.

* * *

 **Manchester:**

It was almost eleven o'clock, when Edward Stuart was walking Isobel back home. Her house was located only few streets away.

The dinner had been wonderful. There had been just the three of them. All of their children had their own families now so usually it was only the two of them. So Isobel's return was a welcome change.

Edward had known her since she had been twenty-two years old and had gotten married. He and Reginald had known each other since medical school. They had soon become best friends and when Matthew was born he became his God father. On his last days, Reginald had asked him to take care of Isobel and Matthew. He had known that his time was running out.

Edward had last seen Matthew in his wedding to Mary Crawley. They had quite obviously been a perfect match. Faith certainly knew how to be cruel. Little George had lost his father and Isobel had lost her only son. He knew that Isobel and Reginald had wanted more children, but God had decided otherwise.

However Isobel was looking very good. She was holding his had as they walked towards her house. She had told him about Lord Merton. He was sad, of course, to hear that his family didn't want her to be part of them. Isobel deserved to be happy.

"Do you love him?" he questioned her. People of their age should not marry out of any other reason.

"I think you mean Lord Merton... I don't know, really. I guess...I was starting to...and now I dont know what I feel..."

They were now standing in front of the house. The night was clear and quiet.

"I think you'll know after a while. If you love him you should fight for him. You are a strong woman, Isobel. Don't give up this easily", Edward affirmed. He took her hand to wish her good night. "I hope you enjoyed your evening. I certainly did."

She smiled at him. "Oh, stop it. I'm not that good company, but I did enjoy my evening... And thank you, for your words...", Isobel said and turned to her front door. "I think it's time for me to go sleep. I'm not so young anymore."

"Yes. I think it's time or Elizabeth will miss me. Good night, Isobel", Edward responded.

Isobel rose the few steps to the door and opened it. "Good night, Edward."

* * *

 _ **Am I out of touch?**_  
 _ **Am I out of my place?**_  
 _ **When I keep saying that I'm looking for an empty space**_  
 _ **Oh I'm wishing you're here**_  
 _ **But I'm wishing you're gone**_  
 _ **I can't have you and I'm only gonna do you wrong**_

 _ **Oh I'm going to mess this up**_  
 _ **Oh this is just my luck**_  
 _ **Over and over and over again.**_

 _ **~Imagine Dragons, Shots**_

 **tbc**

* * *

 **AN: Thank you for reading! Remember to review:)**


	5. Chapter 5

**_AN:_ Ahahh...remember me? Yes it really has been two years. I wish I had some kind of excuse for this, but I don't. This story just somehow got abandoned and I started writing other stories. HOWEVER this one has been haunting me ever since and now I have decided to finish it. There's only one problem. I actually can't remember the storyline I had in my mind and now I just have to make everything up as I go...well...lets see how it turns out, shall we? I'm also two years older so I hope I don't make stupid mistakes as much as I did before. I'm planning on fixing them up as soon as I have enough time. SO after two years, enjoy chapter 5!**

* * *

 _ **Oh, I always let you down**_  
 _ **You're shattered on the ground**_  
 _ **But still I find you there**_  
 _ **Next to me**_  
 _ **And oh, stupid things I do**_  
 _ **I'm far from good, it's true**_  
 _ **But still I find you**_

 _ **~Imagine Dragons, Next to Me**_

* * *

 **Manchester:**

The days Isobel had been gone from Downton, turned into weeks and months. Leaves fell from the trees when the weather turned cold and soon it was Christmas. Isobel had decided that when the new year begun, she would return to Downton.

The first month back at Manchester had been the most difficult. The house seemed to be bursting with memories that reminded Isobel about her dead husband and son. Everything she did seemed to have emotional context, which made her feel lonely and sometimes, sad. The worst part was sleeping alone in the big bed that was meant for two.

But she wasn't completely alone. Elizabeth and Edward had kept her quite busy. Edward was still actively working at the hospital, but Elizabeth had given up on the work of a nurse the year before. The two women spent most of their days together, gossiping and talking about old times.

Isobel had been thinking about sending a letter to her remaining family at Downton, but she had not found the right words when she had picked up the pencil and paper. She now realized how stupid it had been to leave without telling anyone. She blamed it on the heartbreak that had endured. After that ghastly dinner

with Larry and Tim, Isobel had been so defeated she had acted very out of character. Now she regretted it.

The months she had spent in her old home had also made her miss the people that were at Downton. And a certain Lord at Cavenham Park. Oh, how many times she had thought about him and the days they had spent together laughing and drinking tea at her garden. Isobel had decided that after her return, she would talk things through with Lord Merton. She was still convinced that a marriage between them would not work because of her bitter sons, but they could remain friends, couldn't they?

Also, the thought of him alone, thinking about the motives of her leaving made her feel deep regret and quilt. She had thought about calling him or sending a letter, but the moment she had started thinking about actually doing it, her usual self, who was never out of words, disappeared.

* * *

Just before Christmas Violet and Mary were quite done with waiting. They had made plans but had decided to wait in case Isobel had come back on her own. She hadn't and that made everyone quite sad. George missed his dear grandmother terribly and the Dowager had lost her friend and confidant.

The plan was quite simple. Mary was to travel to Manchester, find cousin Isobel, take her back to Downton and then make her realize how in love she was with her Lord.

However, the ladies had decided to wait, just to give their cousin some space and time to 'think about her life' like she had told them in the letter. But now they both wanted her to come back as soon as possible, especially Violet.

She had received a letter from Lord Merton the other day. He had asked her about Isobel and whether she had any news about her. These letters arrived almost every week, and every week she had to give him the same answer; nothing new. The poor man was obviously miserable.

Mary and Violet had decided that Mary was going to Manchester before Christmas. Now the time had come

and she had packed a small suitcase. Against her usual habit, she would be traveling without Anna. No extra people were needed on this trip.

The address of Isobel's house in Machester they had gotten from Murray.

When Mary got onto the train, her only wish was to get her mother-in-law back in good health and spirits. The family didn't know the true motives behind Mary's trip. She had told them that she would be visiting one of her friends in London and stay with her for a few days, just to catch up on things. Only the Dowager countess knew the truth.

When the train to Manchester reached its destination, lady Mary had butterflies in her stomach.

* * *

 **Cavenham Park:**

Richard Grey had been miserable many times in his life, but he had never felt this kind of agony. Why had she left? Well clearly it had been because of him and his sons. Lady Grantham had shown him the letter and it had not left him wondering. His fiancé had left, and Dickie was not sure she'd come back at all.

He had seen dreams about her almost every night and they always ended the same way. The room turned cold and she disappeared.

The thought of Isobel haunted the barons' mind every day. He wanted to write to her, but he did not know where to send the letters he had written. Even if he knew, he probably wouldn't be able to send them.

The only thing he wanted was to make Isobel Crawley his wife. Never before had he known such love and now, he feared he might never be able to show her just how much he loved her.

* * *

 **Manchester:**

Mary stepped out of the taxi that had driven her from the station to Isobel's house. Mary had left London in the morning and was now in her destination. The house looked nice and the curtains weren't closed. That meant someone was occupying it.

She walked up to the door and after a moment, knocked.

Isobel was sitting in the library. Elizabeth had left just half an hour ago after having tea with her. Then she heard the knocking on her door. Her first thought was that Elizabeth had forgotten something. Isobel got up from her chair and opened the door.

Her face fell when she saw her daughter-in-law standing there. Mary was wearing her blue winter coat and a matching hat. In her hand, she was carrying a small suitcase, so obviously she had just arrived.

"Mary! What on earth..." Isobel was not able to finish her sentence. Lady Mary started talking. "I'm so sorry to come here unexpectedly, but I'm afraid you've kept us waiting quite long enough."

Isobel had no other choice than to step back and invite the young woman in with a wave of her hand. She closed the door behind them and took Mary's coat. She was staring her straight in the eye and the look she gave her made Isobel feel even more quilt.

"I think I'm the one who should be apologizing..."

* * *

 _ **There's something about the way that you always see the pretty view**_  
 _ **Overlook the blooded mess, always lookin' effortless**_  
 _ **And still you, still you want me**_

 _ **~Imagine Dragons, Next to Me**_

* * *

 ** _AN:_ I hope you enjoyed this little chapter. More is coming, soon, I hope. Reviews are always nice;)**

 **T xxx**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: And I'm back with chapter six! I hope my writing style hasn't changed too much during this two year gap...**

 **I have to say writing this chapter was a pleasure and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. Here we go! Isobel has two meaningful conversations so lets see if someone can make her see sense.**

* * *

 _ **I can't breathe, I can't be**_  
 _ **I can't be what you want me to be**_  
 _ **Believe me, this one time**_  
 _ **Believe me**_

 _ **~Imagine Dragons, Bad Liar**_

* * *

 **Manchester:**

Mary looked at the room before her. The house was nice. It was very cozy and homelike. After the hall, there was a staircase on the left, dining room on the right and in the back of the house there was a library. Her eyes wondered on the place for a moment, after she turned to Isobel.

''I think I'm the one who should be apologizing…''

Mary immediately regretted the way she had greeted her mother-in-law. She hadn't meant to sound so harsh. After placing her suitcase on the floor, Mary smiled and started talking again. ''I didn't mean to sound so harsh. We've just been worried. Granny has been waiting a word from you ever since you left…'' she said with a soft voice that told Isobel about her concern.

''Shall we go and sit in the library? We can talk there more comfortably, and I think talking everything through with you is going to take a while'', Isobel lead Mary into the other room and they both sat down, Isobel onto the arm chair and Mary on the settee. Now they were facing each other. ''I am so very sorry about leaving without saying a word to anyone. I'm afraid I was not on my right mind when I made the decision, but after I came here, I really thought it was for the best for me to stay here for a while."

Mary didn't really know how to answer. Instead, she asked her the question they had all been thinking about. ''Why did you leave? Was it because of Lord Merton or was it something else? I do hope you didn't leave because of us!'' The mention of Isobel's' fiancé seemed to make her shift on her seat somewhat uneasily. After a moment of silence, she finally started talking.

''Whatever happens, Mary, I want you to know that you and your family could never be the reason behind my leaving. You have shown nothing but kindness and understanding towards me and Matthew. No, I left because I needed time to think, and yes, Lord Merton is one of the things I have been thinking about..."

Mary knew that talking about this was not easy for her. It was present in the way Isobel sat, talked and held her hands on her lap. "Please tell me what it is...my godfather was so good with you. I've never seen him more happy and as I recall you were quite happy too", Mary stated.

"Yes, I was happy. Since then I've thought more about what marrying him would mean and I think I'm not up to it."

Mary couldn't believe her ears. Never before had she heard Isobel say that she 'was not up to something'. "Don't say this is because of Larry and Tim because no one should listen a word they say!"

Isobel smiled when she heard her daughter-in-law talk with her usual tone. Mary was very witty, just like her grandmother. "Have you even spoken to him since that horrible dinner?"

Isobel shook her head. "I haven't..."

"Well you should. Call him. Let him speak for himself. Maybe he can make you see some sense! If you don't listen to me, then listen to him. Things can't be as bad as you think they are. Talk things through with him." Mary said in a way that reminded Isobel very much about Violet.

"Maybe you're right..."

"I always am." Mary stated and grinned.

The two women drank tea together and talked about other things. Soon the clock was nearing six and Mary started thinking about leaving. "Where are you staying? And for how long?" Isobel asked.

"I will book a room from a hotel. I won't be staying longer than a few days. I'm in here under a lie so I can't be away for long", Mary answered and stood up.

"Then I must insist that you stay here. There are a few guest rooms in this house, so you can stay in one of them. And before you have a chance to say it, you won't be a bother. I'm very glad you came'', Isobel said and took Mary's hand in hers.

Mary smiled brightly. "I think we're settled then."

The women had dinner together and went to bed early. Mary was quite tired after a day of travelling by train. They bid each other good night and went into their rooms. Isobel had given her a room that had once been Matthews. She didn't tell that to Mary but somehow it made her feel better when her late sons widowed wife stayed in his old room.

* * *

Mary's words haunted Isobel so much she couldn't even think about sleeping. "Call him", she had said. Would it really be that easy? It was a bit over ten o'clock, so Isobel stood up from her vanity, put on her robe and headed downstairs into the dark hall. Matthew had insisted on installing a telephone after the war, when they had thought about renting or selling the house. They had not done it in the end.

Isobel picked up the phone and called Cavenham. This was the thing she had thought about doing so many times. She was beginning to regret it the moment a butler answered. "Good evening...Is his Lordship still up?" Isobel asked. "He has just gone up, but I can..."

The butler didn't have time to finish as Isobel was already talking. "Could you fetch him? It's urgent." She didn't really know how the words got out of her mouth. "Who shall I say is calling?" The man in the other end asked. "Mrs. Crawley." Isobel announced and started nervously playing with her robe.

The butler told Isobel to wait and silence fell. What on earth was she going to say to him? Surely, he would want to hear some sort of explanation. The silence seemed to last forever. It was agonising. Her heart was beating like crazy and cold sweat spread all over.

And then, Dickie picked up the phone.

He had been getting ready to bed when his butler had told him about a phone call. Who could it be at this hour? "Who is it?" He had asked and put on his robe. "Mrs. Crawley, my lord", his butler had answered, and his heart had jumped into his throat. ''She says it's urgent." He all but ran into the hall and took the phone into his hand. Could it really be her?

"Isobel?"

She stood there, frozen. "Isobel...are you in there?" His voice was shaking and so were her legs in the other end of the line. "Yes...it's me", she finally said and broke the silence.

Dickie couldn't believe it. His fiancé was speaking to him for the first time in months. He tried to control his shaking hands but didn't succeed. "Oh Lord, my darling...where are you? Why haven't you called me before? Or sent a letter? Anything? Are you alright? Oh, I have been so worried!" The way he talked voiced deep concern and love for her, even desperation.

But when Isobel heard his voice, she smiled and answered: "I'm so sorry about this...I should've done all of those things months before but somehow I just wasn't able to...I came to Manchester to clear my thoughts and now I'm calling you...I don't even know why. But don't worry, I'm alright!"

Dickie was so relieved that she was alright. Even after months of silence he could not be angry with her. How could he, when his own sons had most likely driven her away. The only thing that mattered was, that she was alright.

"You need no reasons to call me. I'm you're fiancé after all...at least I hope I still am...Isobel...why did you leave?" He asked with a quiet voice. "Was it because of me?"

The other end went silent again. Now she needed to tell him everything, like she had told Mary earlier today. This time it was just a lot harder. "I left because I needed time. Time to think what I truly want from the life I still have left...

Your sons gave me quite a bit of thinking. I'm afraid I was quite out of my mind when I left...I should've told someone. Instead it seems I have caused a lot of worry and trouble. I never meant to hurt you or anyone else", she said and sighed. "You are one of the kindest and loveliest men I have ever met. I would have been honoured to become your wife, but the truth is, I can't marry you. You deserve someone who can take the responsibilities of being Lady Merton and I'm afraid I am not that person. Your sons were right", Isobel continued with a voice that was shaking a little.

This was exactly what he had feared. A tear rolled dawn his cheek as he listened her speak. He wiped it away and tried to collect himself. "Are there any words that could make you change your mind? Anything I could do? I will not give you up so easily, Isobel Crawley. You are the only woman I have ever truly loved, and I will do anything I can to make things right again", he said with a sad voice.

"The only words that could change my mind would have to come from the mouth of you sons and we both know that will not happen. I wish it wouldn't have come to this, but I am not able to see any other solution. I wish you nothing but well and I hope we can still remain friends", she told him. It truly pained her to call off their engagement, but it was true; she was not able to see any other way out of this.

"This is it then...for months I have been waiting. Waiting to hear anything from you and this is what I get...I guess I saw this coming. I am sad, of course, but I'll survive", Dickie said as he wiped away yet another tear. "You're wrong, though. You are and always will be worthy of the title. You just can't see it yourself. Why is it that Lady Grantham likes you so much? Why does everyone respect you? It's because you are a good and genuine woman, Isobel. You would do the title honour and that is something my late wife was never capable of doing."

After a small break he continued to talk. "We can remain friends but I'm afraid it won't be the same. Are you even going to come back?"

His voice sounded so sad and depressed it almost made Isobel cry. She had to hold back the sobs that were threatening to break through when she gave him her answer. "I'm planning to return after New Year...maybe we can meet then...if you still want to see me."

Dickie smiled and softened his voice. "Of course...I will be waiting for your return...but before you come back I want you to consider the things I just told you. I know you well enough to say that if your mind is set, nothing can stop you. Stop telling lies to yourself and think about what you truly want.

Don't get stuck in the past, Isobel, because nothing can turn back time. We aren't getting any younger. You have to decide how you want to spend the rest of your life. We could be happy. I know it. If only you gave us a proper chance. My sons said horrible things to you, I know, but they lost their father long ago. I am a grown man and I can marry whoever I choose, whether they like it or not..."

Isobel didn't know how to answer.

"It seems like we're done, so I will bid you good night and leave you to it", Dickie said quietly. "Good night", she answered, and their phone call ended. The tears she had been holding flowed now freely. As she silently went back into her bedroom his words were the only thing in her mind. He had spoken wisely but was it enough to change her mind?

Neither of them slept that night as they were both thinking about each other. Never before had Isobel's bed felt so large and empty. She remembered the days of her first marriage and thought about how good it had felt to have someone by your side.

"Don't get stuck in the past."

She was a widow who had lost her only son. Why couldn't she enjoy her life once more and make someone else happy in the process? Did people's opinions really matter that much to her? They hadn't mattered before. Maybe it was time to forget the past and move on into the future.

* * *

 _ **You light the world for me**_  
 _ **You live life fearlessly**_  
 _ **Braver than the bravest of us do**_  
 _ **You trust, you hope, you dare**_  
 _ **You choose to feel and care**_

 _ **~Jelani Alladin, Kristoff Lullaby from Frozen the Broadway musical**_

 _ **tbc**_

* * *

 **AN: So that was it. I have to say that right now I'm in a writing flow and I'm not sure it's a good thing.**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: When I said I was having a writing flow, I was not able to know how hard writing this chapter was going to be. It's bad, I'm sorry! I'm posting in the middle of the day cause my school ended early and I'm having a Christmas party with my friends tonight so I probably won't be feeling too well tomorrow...**

 **So here we go! Chapter 7!**

* * *

 _ **She's imperfect, but she tries**_  
 _ **She is good, but she lies**_  
 _ **She is hard on herself** **She is broken and won't ask for help**_

 _ **~Sara Bareilles, She Used To Be Mine**_

* * *

 **Manchester:**

In the morning the women had breakfast together in the sunny dining room. It had big windows, small table and six chairs. Mary had slept quite well, but Isobel had been thinking about the phone call all night long. Now it almost felt like a dream.

The headache she had made her wish she hadn't made the call at all. Her eyes were tired and hurting. She wanted to blame it on Dickie, but she knew it was her own fault.

Mary noticed her silent and tired complexion immediately. Isobel didn't eat much and seemed to be very far away in her thoughts. "Isobel...are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I just didn't sleep very well last night", the older woman answered as her hand massaged her scalp. "When are you meant to be back at Downton?"

Mary sipped her tea and raised her eyebrow. "Tomorrow. I'll leaving in the morning and catch an early train. There are a lot of Christmas preparations going on, so mother will most likely be needing my help...and we can't have Edith responsible for everything!"

Isobel forced a smile to her face, but Mary saw right through her facade. "What is it? You can tell me. I won't spill your secrets to granny, if that's what you're afraid of."

This time the small laughter that escaped from Isobel's lips was real. "I'm quite sure your grandmother knows all my secrets. Even the ones I haven't told her..." she sighed deeply and pushed her breakfast away. "Last night I did what you told me to do...I called him."

Mary was amazed but also pleased with herself. She wanted to know more. "Well? Did you talk things through with him?'' She asked. Isobel looked down. Had they talked things through? Neither of them could tell. ''I'm afraid it was rather gloomy. I feel bad for causing him worry. I promised I'd see him after New Year. I tried to turn him down, but fortunately he is a very good at talking. He gave me a lot of new things to think about.''

''Fortunately? Does this mean you're still engaged? I do hope so.'' Mary said. She had been so glad when their engagement had been announced. His godfather had been so very happy and that was something he had never been with his first wife. Their marriage had been arranged and they had been very ill suited. Mary suspected Isobel was the first woman Dickie had fallen in love with. It was saddening to think his own sons were able to destroy his chance of happiness.

''I don't know what we are…I need to think.'' Isobel said. She was clearly troubled by the matter and found it hard to find the right words to describe her thoughts. Mary decided to ask her one simple question that would tell her everything she needed to know.

''Do you love him? Because if you do, don't let fear drive the decisions you make. If you love him, ignore Larry and Tim! They've always been like that. Be happy, because no one deserves it more than you do.''

Isobel looked Mary in the eye and said: ''I do. I do love him. Maybe not in the way I loved Reginald, but the way he spoke to me last night made me realize how foolish I've been. I shouldn't have run here when he was just as miserable as I was. We could've sorted things out so much better if I had stayed at Downton.''

''Then you should come back as soon as you can and tell that to him. Oh, granny will be so glad to hear this!''

* * *

After lunch Isobel went to lie down for a moment. The headache hadn't gone away, and she was very tired. As she lay on her bed, she had time to think about her final decision. Was she hiding behind excuses because she was afraid of losing again? Or because she was afraid of letting him down? Mary had made her see sense.

She was in love with Dickie.

It was true what Cora always said. Everything did look better in the morning. Surely, after a good rest she would be even more convinced that this was right way. Mary and Violet had also had their hands in this. The old lady Grantham might not have been here in person, but she had definitely sent her granddaughter to see her with some of her own thoughts. Well…Mary had managed to make a difference, so now she felt quite grateful for her friend.

With that she had made her choice. The only thing she now needed to do was to write some letters and make a few arrangements. She would do them tomorrow. Now she was too tired to do anything. Mary had gone out, so Isobel was alone again. It was very quiet and the mess of thoughts in her head had calmed down. She felt at peace with herself for the first time in a long time.

With that Isobel fell asleep.

* * *

Mary left four days before Christmas. They were both very happy about her visit. Isobel embraced her daughter-in-law and wished her Merry Christmas at the busy platform. There were people everywhere. A lot of people were travelling away to visit friends or family over Christmas. "I'll see you after New Year then. And remember to say hello to George! I do miss him terribly much!" Mary nodded and stepped into the train. "I will. I will also tell granny that you intend to return. You should send her a letter. She will be expecting it!'' Isobel was barely able to hear her over all the noise. She smiled and waved Mary good bye. Then the train left the station.

When she returned home there was an invitation waiting for her. Elizabeth and Edward wished she'd spend Christmas with them. Their eldest daughter was coming home with her family, so they would be having people over anyway. Isobel gladly accepted the invitation. She hadn't seen their eldest, Charlotte in ages, and after all Isobel was her godmother. Over the years they had kept in contact over Christmas cards and letters. It had been at least two years since the last time they had met.

The next thing she had to do was to write two letters. One to Violet and another one to Dickie. She had decided to travel back to Downton on the third of January. She would meet with him right away and he would hopefully still want to marry her. Violet would have to wait…

Christmas went by quickly. It was nice to spend time with her goddaughter. After spending moths almost alone in her house it was very good to be surrounded by people, especially children. Unfortunately, one of Charlottes' boys had a cold and had to stay in bed for a couple of days. Of course, Isobel was the one who caught it and at a most inconvenient time.

She was bedridden for days and couldn't remember a time when she had last been sicker. Every single part of her body was hurting, her nose was stuffed, she had started coughing and sleeping was the only thing she was able to do. On the third of January she was still in bed, better, but still recovering.

By her request Elizabeth had written a letter to Lady Grantham, saying she couldn't travel back because of her poor health, but would be on the train as soon as she got better.

When the letter was in the Dowager countesses' hands, she telephoned Lord Merton immediately. He had been miserable when Isobel had not returned the day she had promised. When he heard the news about her sickness a new kind of worry rushed over him. He had to see her.

* * *

 _ **Because you matter to me**_  
 _ **Simple and plain and not much to ask from somebody**_  
 _ **You matter to me**_  
 _ **I promise you do, you, you matter too**_  
 _ **I promise you do, you see?**_  
 _ **You matter to me**_

 _ **~ Sara Bareilles and Jason Mraz, You Matter To Me**_

* * *

 **AN: What is going to happen next;)?**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: The end is getting near! Only a couple of chapters left. Also if you wanna follow me in Instagram and see my bad editing my username is downtonholick (some of you might know me already, idk).**

 **But now lets get into the point! Finally the thing we've all been waiting for is happening!**

* * *

 _ **Without love,**_  
 _ **Life is like the seasons with no summer**_  
 _ **Without love,**_  
 _ **Life is rock 'n' roll without a drummer**_

 _ **Darling, I'll be yours forever**_  
 _ **'Cause I never wanna be without love**_

 _ _ **~Without Love from Hairspray the Broadway musical**__

* * *

 **Manchester:**

One day after Violet had received Isobel's letter Elizabeth was sitting in a chair at her friend's library with a book and a cup of coffee. The room was lit only by the fire and a small lamp which stood on a table. She would soon go back home for dinner.

Elizabeth had been with Isobel every day since she had fallen ill. His husband had also paid her a visit a few times. Isobel herself was quite done with their "fussing". She was getting better, but the fever had come back yesterday. That's why Elizabeth had stayed longer today.

Isobel was sleeping now, but she would go and check on her before leaving and coming back in the morning. Elizabeth put the book and coffee cup down and was already halfway up the stairs when there was a knock on the door. Who on earth could it be? When she opened the door, she was half expecting to see her husband, but instead she faced a tall man who looked cold, quite nervous and a bit lost.

Elizabeth looked suspiciously at the man and waited for him to start speaking. "Yes?" She said after the man hadn't said anything and the staring had started to get awkward.

"Oh, yes...Good evening", he started and bored his head for her. "I'm looking for Mrs. Isobel Crawley..."

She placed together a few pieces in her head and smiled warmly at the man. "You must be Lord Merton! Please come in you look cold." He nodded and bowed his head for her. She closed the door behind him and took a better look at her friend's fiancé. He was very tall and slim. "I'm Elizabeth Stuart, Mrs. Crawley's old friend. I've been looking after her these past weeks."

"Nice to meet you...I'm sorry for intruding like this and at this hour, but I have to see how she is...Her friend telephoned me saying she was too sick to travel so I just had to come here", he mumbled as he took off his coat. The poor man seemed terribly worried and at that moment Elizabeth saw how good he would be to her friend. How good they would be together.

The Lords nervous pacing made her feel compassion towards him. "No apologies are needed, and you don't need to be worried either. She's fine. Well...she's still ill with a flu, but there's no need to be that worried, your Lordship. I'm quite sure she'll be alright by the end of the week."

A nervous laugh escaped his lips. "Oh, I am so relieved to hear that! And Please, drop the title..." Lord Merton's voice was still trembling, but his physical appearance seemed calmer. "I haven't seen her in God knows how long and then I got the news about her illness. I just couldn't wait anymore."

"Let's go and sit in the library." Elizabeth said and led the man into the other room. They sat down, and she began talking again. "Isobel's already sleeping so I'm afraid you will have to come back tomorrow. I'm sure she'll insist on getting up anyway."

"The things is...we had a rather gloomy telephone conversation before Christmas. Then she sent me a letter saying she wanted to see me. I hope she still does." Lord Merton said with an echo of sadness in his voice.

"If I were you, I wouldn't be too worried about that. Her daughter-in-law was here and forced her to see sense."

"Mary? Was Mary here?" He wondered out loud. "Well if what you say is true, then I am glad! I've been trying to keep my hopes up, but I must admit it hasn't been easy. Things haven't played out very well for us recently."

"Believe me, I've known her long enough to tell that she's very fond of you. She has never said an unkind word about you, and every time she has mentioned you it has been with a great fondness."

They continued talking without knowing the woman they were talking about heard them.

When Isobel had woken up, she had heard noises coming from downstairs. At first, she thought Edward had come to fetch his wife back home but when no one came up she started wondering. After getting up from bed, she put on her robe and tied a shawl around her shoulders. She quietly opened the door and came halfway down the stairs. The corridor was cold and dark. Isobel instantly recognized Dickies voice coming from the library.

Plain terror creaped up here spine. What was he doing here?! She had to sit down on the stairs for her head had started spinning. Of course, he had come to see her. Isobel had been about to go and see him but now that he was close to her, she had no idea what to do. Should she go in? She was about to, but something made her stay away.

"I love her, Mrs. Stuart. I love her in a way I have never loved anyone."

'You romantic fool!' Isobel thought as she turned around and climbed up the stairs again. Suddenly she had started feeling very self-conscious. It was better to stay away completely. She wasn't dressed, and her hair was a mess. She was no where near presentable like this.

She was almost at her bedroom door when Elizabeth and Dickie came out of the library. He was about to leave. For Isobel, it was too late to go back to her room. They would most certainly hear and see her.

She decided to pretend to be coming out of her room, so she closed it and once again changed her direction. It was too late to turn back now.

Dickie and Elizabeth both raised their heads up when they heard a door close.

"I heard voices so I...Dickie? What...what are you doing in here?" Isobel tried to sound as convincing as she possibly could. It seemed to work. Dickie looked like his heart had jumped into his throat.

"What are you doing up? You should be in bed", Elizabeth said with a strict voice and raised her left eyebrow.

"Stop fussing, I'm alright."

Right after saying that she burst into a coughing fit. "No, you're not alright, so back to bed. He'll come back in the morning."

Elizabeth said that too late. Dickie was already on the stairs. He came up to her and took her hands in his. "My dear you do look terribly pale. I'll come back tomorrow..."

She looked down at their joined hands and smiled. "I'm sorry...I...You have waited long enough..." Isobel mumbled at him.

Suddenly Dickie was afraid she would faint. He released her hands took a strong hold of her shoulders. "Please, just go back to bed. We'll talk tomorrow, if you're up to it."

She nodded and walked into her room, but Dickie followed her. He didn't even know why. His feet just led him there. Elizabeth decided to stay downstairs and let them be.

Isobel sat down in the bed and sighed. "I'm so sorry, I look absolutely terrible."

"I don't think you could ever look terrible, but I must admit you don't look very well...", Dickie said and sat beside her. "I had to see you, but I think I'll leave you to rest now."

Now Isobel was the one who took his hands in hers. " No! Please let me say this. I'm happy you came...truly, and I'm sorry about...everything really, but you made me realize something.

The past is not coming back, so I might as well make the most of the life I still have left. Whatever others might say.

I have been thinking about what it would be like to be married again. To have someone to share your life with. Talk, or stay silent… What would it be like to wake up and not be alone?

And I can't think of a better person than you to share my life with, so if you still want me, I'm all yours."

He had not expected a confession like that. It made him want to kiss and embrace her and never let go. He put his arms around her and pulled her close, his hands stroking her silvery golden hair. "Of course, I still want you. You've just made me the happiest man on earth. Without you my life would be like the seasons with no summer."

"You're such a sweet man. I don't deserve you", Isobel said and pressed her head on his shoulder.

"Yes, you do. You deserve to be happy, Isobel. You need to stop apologizing and leave this thing behind you. You've done nothing wrong, I assure you.

Now please try to sleep. I'll come back tomorrow, and we can have a proper conversation." Dickie pressed a kiss on her head and stood up, releasing her from his embrace. "Good night, my dear. I hope you feel better tomorrow."

With that he left the room. Everything was alright. Isobel laid down and took a deep breath.

Everything was truly alright.

After seeing Lord Merton off, Elizabeth came to check on her friend one last time before heading home. Isobel was already asleep. Elizabeth turned off the lamp that was lighting the room and pulled a stray of hair off her friend's face. Then she left the room and headed back home. 'What a night...' she thought and closed the door behind her.

* * *

 _ **Like a week that's only Mondays,**_  
 _ **Only ice cream, never sundaes,**_  
 _ **Like a circle with no center,**_  
 _ **Like a door marked 'Do Not Enter'**_

 _ **Darling, I'll be yours forever**_  
 _ **'Cause I never wanna be without love**_

 _ **~ Without Love from Hairspray the Broadway musical**_

* * *

 **AN: Merry Christmas!**


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas! Thank you so much for reading this story and commenting and stuff! You made me do it! I am very self conscious about my writing so your kind words have encouraged me incredibly much. I'm still not very sure about how good this is, but I'd like to think I get better at writing every time I do it, so thank you for your support!**

* * *

 ** _Holy road is at my back_**  
 ** _Don't look on, take me back again_**  
 ** _We'll make a memory out of it_**

 ** _~Imagine Dragons, Not Today_**

* * *

 **Manchester:**

Dickie Merton returned the next day after lunch in high spirits. It was a beautiful day with the snow on the ground and the thought of seeing Isobel again made the day even better.

Isobel had taken a bath, dressed herself properly for the first time in weeks and had a proper meal. That had made her feel a whole lot better. She was sitting in the library when her maid announced him.

Her face lit up immediately. "You certainly managed to come here quietly! I didn't hear you at all!"

"I thought you might be resting so I tried to come in more quietly than yesterday." He walked up to her and kissed her cheek. "How are you feeling, my dear? You certainly look better."

"A weight was lifted off my shoulders yesterday...and I had a bath this morning." She chuckled. "But I do feel a lot better."

"I'm very glad to hear that...When you say a weight was lifted off your shoulders, you mean me, don't you? I hope you haven't had a change of heart overnight!" His voice sounded nervous and Isobel immediately wanted to reassure him that her mind hadn't changed.

"No, I haven't. I love you, and I want to marry you. This time, nothing can change my mind."

He came to sit beside her and looked her in the eye. "I have never been this relieved. You definitely haven't made this easy for me."

"I'm sorry..." She said and looked down.

Dickie gently placed his hand on her shoulder. "Can you remember what I said last night?" He asked. "Don't apologize, for your have done nothing wrong." The he put his arms around her and she leaned against him.

"It feels so good, to be held by you...I feel safe and...loved. That is something I haven't felt in a long time."

He tightened his embrace. The way Isobel spoke made him feel even more affection towards her. "With me you can always feel safe. And you are loved by great many people in this world."

Isobel emerged from his arms and looked deep into his eyes. They were shining.

"It's funny...Now, when I'm sitting here, I can't think why I turned you down in the first place. I have been terribly foolish", she said and sighed. "I do hope you won't regret this."

"Foolish...yes...that's something you have been, but I don't think I could ever regret this. I have never wanted to be with anyone more than I want to be with you, Isobel."

And it was true. He had never been more in love.

With a sweet and bright smile Isobel said the only thing that was able to make him even more happy. "If you're sure, I think we can start making plans. When I get back to Downton, we can settle everything. What do you think about a spring wedding?"

"That sounds perfectly marvellous!"

* * *

"Your friend Elizabeth told me that Mary was here..."

Isobel and Dickie were having tea. They had spent a good while talking about their hopes and dreams. They had decided to set the date after her return.

"Oh yes. She stayed for a couple of days... she's the one you should be thanking. Mary is a very good talker. She has gotten that from her grandmother." Isobel set her cup down on the saucer. "She told me to call you...and I did."

The memory of their bittersweet conversation filled both of their minds.

"But what about you? What do your sons say about this trip? And where are you staying?" She asked, trying to lighten the mood again.

"They say nothing. Neither of them are at home. My staff knows where I've gone, of course. I'm staying in a hotel.

"Won't Time and Larry get worried?"

He laughed. "I doubt it. They probably wouldn't even notice if I vanished."

"I'm sure that's not true.."

"I'm afraid it is. Larry and Tim have always been their mothers' boys. She is the reason they turned out to be the way they are. I never stood a chance against her." Dickies voice was full of sadness and a bit of anger as well.

"I hope I can love you the way you deserve to be loved. I want you to be happy", Isobel said with determination.

"I'm glad to say that we want the same things. I believe in love. And I believe love is the thing that will make us happy. If it's up to me, we will never see and unhappy day again."

* * *

 **Downton:**

The Dowager Countess had telephoned Cavenham, only to receive news of Lord Merton's absence from his butler. "Well where is he, and when is he coming home?!" She asked with a stern voice that made the poor man in the other end of the line terrified.

"His Lordship has gone to Manchester, my lady. He didn't say when he's going to return."

The Dowager ended the phone call and immediately invited herself for dinner at Downton with a big grin on her face.

After chatting about weather and the latest schemes of Spratt and Denker at dinner, Violet glanced at her granddaughter with a meaningful look and lead her into the small library where they were away from the prying ears of the rest of their family.

"You will never believe what I learned today", Violet said with a voice that made Mary very suspicious.

Mary looked at her grandmama with raised eyebrows. "I'm all ears!"

"Dickie has gone to Manchester."

She was definitely surprised. Mary had never thought her godfather to be a man of action. He had always been more of a philosopher. "Golly...when's the wedding?"

"Let's not go ahead of things, dear. I hope things go well between them...I'm not sure I could handle more drama..."

"I'm sure they will. They love each other too much to break up."

* * *

 **Manchester:**

As the afternoon turned into evening, Isobel started to feel tired and cold. Her house felt always cold these days.

The couple had taken a short walk and getting some fresh air had made her feel much more refreshed but had also tired her out. Dickie noticed this and stood up. "I think I shall take my leave now."

"Before you do, could you fetch a shawl for me? I feel a bit chilly. It's in my bedroom. "

"Of course," he said and headed upstairs. The shawl was easy enough to find, but as he walked past her vanity, he noticed the photography that was standing there.

It was her wedding picture. He stared at it for moment. Isobel looked so beautiful, so young and so completely happy beside her first husband. He looked a lot like Matthew. Would he have approved? Dickie hoped that if he was looking down on them, he would be happy for his mother. He hoped that Matthew thought him worthy of her.

When Dickie returned down stairs, he found Isobel, asleep.

He felt sorry for having to wake her up, but he didn't want to leave without saying goodbye. She looked so peaceful. "Isobel..Isobel, darling...I think you would be more comfortable sleeping upstairs."

She opened her eyes and realized she had fallen asleep. "I wasn't sleeping..." She said quickly. Dickie just smiled at her.

"It seems like I've worn you out. I'll come back tomorrow, but I will also have to head back to Downton."

"I wish you could stay." Isobel stated as he placed the shawl around her shoulders.

"Believe me when I say I would very much like to stay, but we both know I can't." He placed a kiss on her forehead. "I'm going now, see you tomorrow."

After he had left, Isobel's eyes started feeling heavy again and soon she was asleep again. Elizabeth was the one who woke her up later that night and sent her to bed.

* * *

Dickie returned the next morning, just as he had promised. It was almost 11 o'clock but Isobel had just gotten dressed and had breakfast. After a good night's sleep, she was feeling very energetic and the traces of the flu were almost gone.

Dickie persuaded Isobel to have lunch with him. After that he would be in his way back to Downton, but he would be leaving as a happy man. Isobel thought that she could have things arranged in a couple of days, so he wouldn't have to wait too long for her return. It was about time she came back.

After luncheon they walked around for a while, before heading to the hotel to fetch his bag and the station.

"This was a very pleasant few days, you know. After all this trouble and heartache everything is fine. I will be eagerly waiting for you, my dear."

Isobel stood on her toes and reached up to kiss his cheek. "And I will be most pleased to finally be able to return."

The sun was shining, which made the hair that was visible from under her hat look like pure gold.

"I shall inform Mary and Lady Grantham about my return today, so I can make some of the arrangements now. I do hope someone's looked after Crawley House..."

Her speech was cut short by the sound of a train. "This is it then...good bye, for now. Please, do call me when everything is settled."

"I will..." she said and watched as he vanished into the crowd.

Only two days later Isobel was the one who was standing on the platform with her suitcase. Elizabeth and Edward had both come to see her off. "It was such a nice thing to have you here. Remember, you will always have us here to look after you!" Elizabeth embraced her friend and looked quite moved. "I will be waiting for a wedding invitation", she whispered into her ear and backed off.

"I wish you the best of luck, Isobel, and I hope you'll be happy." Edward handed her suitcase and kissed her cheek.

"Thank you, for everything."

When she got on the train, she finally felt like she had let go of the past. Manchester would always be the place where her roots were, but Downton was now her home. As the train started moving, thoughts of the future filled her mind.

After a whole day of travelling, Isobel Crawley stepped out onto the Downton station. Tom was waiting for her with Mary.

"It's so good to see you again!" She heard them say. Tom took her suitcase and Mary grinned.

"It's good to be back home."

* * *

 ** _Under cloud, beneath the stars_**  
 ** _Over snow one winter's morn_**  
 ** _I turn at last to paths that lead home_**

 ** _~Billy Boyd, The Last Goodbye_**

 ** _tbc_**

* * *

 **AN: One chapter to go, Happy New Year!**


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: I am so sorry about the long wait, but here it finally is, the last chapter! Thank you so much for your support, it means a lot to me. Even though this story has come to its end, I have some oneshots planned out and waiting for writing, so stay tuned!**

 ***Because I am an idiot I messed up some lines. It's fixed now.**

* * *

 _ **No more memories**_  
 _ **No more silent tears**_  
 _ **No more gazing across**_  
 _ **The wasted years**_

 ** _~Wishing you were somehow here again from the Phantom of the_ _Opera_**

* * *

 **Downton:**

Isobel had been invited for dinner at the Abbey. Of course, the family wanted to know where she had been hiding for good five months. She gladly accepted the offer. She had missed them all.

Showing up and hour early she had time to spend time with George. The little boy was thrilled about his grandmother's return. Isobel showered him with hugs and kisses, and he did not mind at all a few tears might also have been shared but she wiped them away quickly.

When Lady Mary entered the nursery, George was sitting on her grandmother's lap, Sybbie was kneeling on the floor and Marigold was sitting on her bed. "I hope you haven't worn out your grandma, George."

"I haven't!"

Isobel laughed lightly and stoked his golden hair. "No, he really hasn't. They've been angels, all of them." George turned around on her lap and threw his hands around her

"Well, I can come to say good night, but I doubt you'll be awake." Isobel stood up and walked to the nursery door after saying goodbye. "I promise to come again tomorrow", she whispered as she left the room with Mary.

Dinner was a pleasant affair, though the rest of the family were very interested in her disappearance. Not wanting to tell the truth, she told them something unexpected had come up in Manchester, which required her presence.

Isobel was not sure she convinced them, but they didn't ask further questions, till during dessert, when Violet opened her mouth. "Have you heard from Lord Merton?" She asked with a peculiar voice.

"Yes...I promised to meet him for lunch the day after tomorrow." she realized her mistake the moment the word left her mouth.

"So you're still together? Oh, I am pleased!" Cora said.

"I take it his visit was successful then..." The Dowager said this with a quiet enough voice, but it did not go unheard by the others. If Violet had sat beside her, Isobel was sure she would've kicked her under the table. Instead, she just sipped her wine and gave her a cold look.

"Visit? When did this happen?" Robert asked. She did not like not telling the the truth, but at this point she did not say another way out.

"Well...he came up to Manchester last week. I take it cousin Violet had her fingers on the matter."

''Hardly, he made the decision to leave all by himself!''

"Yes. I certainly did not invite him, but I can't say I wasn't pleased, in the end, when he showed up."

"Did you sort things out between you? It seemed like such a pity that his sons ruined your plans." After saying this Mary gave Isobel a questioning look.

"We talked things through...his sons are against our marriage, but they can't forbid it. Larry and Tim might try to make it as hard as they can, but we are both ready to give it a try, after all, what have we got to lose?''

Mary smiled wildly. "That's wonderful news!"

* * *

The wedding day was a beautiful one. On a sunny and surprisingly warm spring day Isobel and Dickie got married, at last. She had spent the night at Downtown, after making last minute preparations at Cavenham, and had the help of Anna and Mary with getting ready. Over the course of couple of weeks all her personal things had been moved to her new home and Crawley House was left empty.

Dickie had spent the night at Canvenham so they didn't lay eyes on each other the night before the wedding. They were both nervous. Neither of them wanted a big wedding, so only closest friends and family were invited.

Isobel had chosen to get married in a simple white dress with beautiful beading. With the dress, she wore a white hat and pearl jewellery.

Little George had the honour of walking her grandmother down the aisle. Mary had been the one to suggest it. When Dickie saw her, he began to understand at least that they were actually getting married. Much had happened, but love had won in the end. His youngest son attended, but Larry was nowhere to be seen. It was probably better that way.

The reception was held at Cavenham Park. Isobel had chosen the flowers and helped to place them the day before. The big french doors to the garden were open and some of the quests were enjoying the beautiful weather outside. All of them were enjoying themselves and the newly wedded couple couldn't remember a time when they had last been this happy.

All the people fell quiet when Dickie clicked his glass of champagne, and some came inside. "Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to thank you all for being here today and sharing this happy day with us", he began and motioned Isobel to come stand beside him. "I would also like to thank my beautiful wife for making me the happiest man alive. Let us raise are glasses for my Isobel, the new Lady Merton!"

She felt how her cheeks reddened beside him, not being used to being addressed like this. Glasses were raised and everyone raised their glasses. Lots of smiles were shared that day and both of them felt a certain kind of relief. They were married and no one could change that.

The Crawley's were the last guests to leave the reception at Cavenham. Even though their wedding hadn't been a large one, the day had been emotionally tiring for them both.

* * *

 **Cavenham Park, evening:**

Isobel was in her new bedroom, sitting beside her vanity. She had changed out of her wedding dress and taken down her hair. The bedroom was beautiful, but quite different from the ones she was used to. The whole house was drastically different.

It was still hard to understand, that she was now Lady Merton. Isobel had always thought it laughable that she would marry up and become a Lady. Yet, here she was.

Just when her hands had taken off the last hair pin Isobel heard a door close somewhere down the hall. Soon there was knock on her own door.

Her new husband stepped in and looked at her adoringly. He had done so the whole day. "Are you just going to stand there?"

''I was just admiring my beautiful new wife.''

''flatterer'', she said and started combing her hair. He came to stand beside her and gently put his hands onto her shoulders. "I hope your day was pleasant."

She placed down the comb and turned to look up at him. "My day was perfect, thank you."

"Don't thank me, you were the one who mostly planned this! And what a wonderful job you did. You will be a marvellous Lady Merton." After saying this he kissed her. They had kissed before, but this time it was different. His hands were all over her.

Isobel stood up for a better positioning. Their kisses grew heated and soon her hair and her mind was a mess. It had been such a long time since she had been with a man like this, but she was enjoying it immensely.

He broke the kiss when they had reached the edge of the bed. ''I wasn't even sure you would want me here…'' Dickies voice was trembling. His first marriage hadn't been exactly filled with love or physical contact, but it seemed things were going to change with Isobel. ''Of course I want you here. Its one of the best sides of being married. You never have to sleep alone, if you don't want to'', she reassured him, before leaning against him and wrapping her arms around him.

''I'm going to make you as happy as I can, I promise'', he whispered into her ear.

''I'm sure you will do a wonderful job…''

* * *

 _ **If you gave me a chance I would take it**_  
 _ **It's a shot in the dark but I'll make it**_  
 _ **Know with all of your heart, you can't shame me**_  
 _ **When I am with you, there's no place I'd rather be**_

 _ **~Clean Bandit, Rather Be**_

 _ **the end**_

* * *

 **AN: Thank you for reading!**

 **xxx, T**


End file.
